Over the past several weeks when I realized I wanted to write a post on this topic, I had several ideas and things I wanted to say all planned out already in my head, and now as I am writing this, I feel completely at a loss for words. I haven’t allowed myself to revisit these feelings until tonight and it feels weird, yet really great knowing I came out of this awful storm. I am really proud of myself and I hope I can help anyone that is going through this.
‘I am growing today.’
If you came to this post in hopes that I would ‘air out my dirty laundry,’ well then you may as well just exit out now. All I have to say before getting into this post is that life doesn’t happen TO us, it happens FOR us and sometimes two people are not meant to be together forever. Sometimes ‘love’ just isn’t enough and that is totally okay. You really do not know a person or a situation unless you’re actually IN it. So,with that being said, my ex and I are happy, we are healthy and our kids are happy and healthy and that is all that truly matters! Also a disclaimer that everything that I am sharing when giving advice is what personally helped ME and my journey of heartbreak. It may not help you, but this is what personally helped me. Now, lets get started.
‘I am working on learning how to be whole and free within myself, to acknowledge my brokenness, manifest my own happiness, and succeed and fail gracefully.’
The pain of heartbreak… I wouldn’t even wish on my worst enemy. I know we all have experienced SOME kind of heartbreak, whether it be a friendship or a significant other, I know in High School I had a few, but this past relationship of mine definitely won for the worst heartbreak of my entire life. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. My heart felt like it was in a thousand pieces and I had no idea how to even put them back together. I felt sick to my stomach 24/7, I cried for two weeks straight, I constantly was trying to catch my breath because it felt like I was drowning.. I felt like I was dying, and I’m not over exaggerating. This is so hard for me to talk about because these are very deep feelings that I am being VERY vulnerable about, and going back to how I used to feel makes me so sad. Sad that I was even at this low of a place in my life and I pray for everyone going through this. If you’re reading this and this sounds like you, I promise you there is light at the end of this very, very dark tunnel. There is a light that is so bright and I am so glad I get to be in it because it’s the best feeling ever! I promise you will reach this light and I hope some of these things I talk about help you get there faster!
‘Sometimes painful things can teach us lessons that we didn’t think we needed to know. ‘
I know this can be a very controversial topic, but in my opinion, I think therapy and counseling can be beneficial for everyone! I used to have a really bad habit when it comes to my feelings. I used to bottle up everything inside until one day I would just explode and get so mad/sad over the littlest things. I know I am not the only one who does this! Going to therapy has helped me with that A LOT! Going to someone once a week and just talking to them. Some weeks you might have a lot to say, some weeks you might not and that’s OKAY. When finding a therapist or counselor, make sure you like them and if you didn’t leave your first visit feeling refreshed or rejuvenated, then maybe try again or find someone different. Therapy has truly helped me through this break up and has also helped me realize things about myself that I had no idea about before. It has opened my eyes to who I truly am and every time I go, I learn more about myself and I heal even more.
‘I looked in the mirror and said to myself, it’s time to confront the demons, babe.’
feel the feelings.
Again, I am the kind of person that bottles up my emotions, so when my ex and I first broke up, I didn’t allow myself to feel anything. I ignored everything and pretended everything was okay so I didn’t have to deal with the pain. Until one day it hit like a ton of bricks which is why my heart break felt like I was dying. If you’re sad, be sad, please. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to cry. My biggest fear when it came to this was that I didn’t know when enough would be enough, I didn’t want to drag on my sadness for so long that it became unhealthy, but I think after a certain amount of time, your body and mind will just know. As each day goes on, you will wake up and just feel a little bit better and things will start to get easier. But for now, feel the feelings. Time is different for everyone. For me, it was a solid 4 weeks at least, but it’s different for everyone!
‘You’re not too sensitive. You’re not overreacting. If it hurts you, it hurts you.’
social media detox.
This is one of the best things I did for myself honestly. I spent an entire month completely off of Instagram and I cannot tell you how amazing I felt. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in peoples lives and start playing the comparison game and trust me, when you’re going through a break up that is the LAST thing you want to be doing. The last thing you want to be doing, too, is checking up on all of your exes social media and wanting to see what they are doing all of the time, it will make you go crazy. Get off social media and go outside, learn who you are again, go out with your girlfriends and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and just focus on yourself. I think a break from social media is good for the soul every once in a while. Don’t give yourself a time limit while doing this either, just stay off of it until you feel strong again.
‘Make sure you’re happy in real life, not just for social media.’
Luckily for me I have two boys that depend on me, so staying busy wasn’t as hard for me, but when it comes to my boys, there’s also my ex so that part didn’t help a lot while going through this in the beginning. But just staying busy and keeping your schedule full will help you a ton. For example, going on a hike, going to the gym, running errands, going thrift shopping, cleaning, organizing, having lunch with an old friend, going to the park, etc. Not giving yourself a lot of time to sit and cry and feel depressed all day. But with that being said, of course it’s going to hit you harder at night and honestly I don’t have much advice for that. There were so many nights where I stayed up until 3am crying, but you have to just let it all out sometimes. You have to just cry until one night you don’t, and that night will come soon I promise you.
‘You need to keep moving on, darling, or you’ll miss the train to bigger things in life than this.’
Going through heartbreak can be really hard because your confidence is usually at an all time low. I have always tried to stay active my entire life, but my break up really helped change my mindset when it comes to my physical health. I used to go to Orange Theory and absolutely loved it, but I now go to just a regular gym. Please, just do any sort of exercise. It is so therapeutic and so good for you. You don’t even need to go to the gym, just go outside for a walk, go on a hike, do a workout in your room, whatever it is just do something for your body, it’s amazing how good you can feel from doing something so simple like that. For me personally, there is something about going to the gym and getting on a treadmill and running while you’re feeling the pain of a break up that just feels so good. It’s almost like with each minute you run, it feels easier and easier to get through the workout and you start feeling the weight lifting off your shoulders and you start to feel the pieces of your heart being put back together slowly. I’ve also changed my diet tremendously. If you want a more in depth blog post about the food and supplements I eat and take on a daily basis then let me know!
‘Take a deep breath and remember who the fuck you are.’
Mental health is just as important as physical health, if not more. What we say to ourselves and what we listen to daily is very, very important. I won’t get in to this too much and if you don’t know what this is then there are tons of books and youtube videos on it, but the law of attraction is a very real thing, so be mindful to what you’re listening to and what you’re telling yourself every day. If you are telling yourself every day that ‘you’re fat’ or ‘you suck’ or ‘you’re not worthy,’ than you’re going to feel ALL of those things all of the time. Tell yourself you’re beautiful, tell yourself you’re worthy, even if you don’t believe it, because one day you’re going to wake up and tell yourself you’re beautiful and actually mean it and believe it. This is a picture of what I have in my bathroom and what I read to myself every single day. I highly recommend doing this, just standing in front of the mirror and telling yourself all of the qualities you want to have and talking to yourself like you already have those qualities! Doing this and reading and listening to podcasts has helped my mental health tremendously. Books are sometimes hard for me to read because of time, but some books I have really enjoyed reading are The Secret, Girl Wash Your Face, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck, and Get Over Your Damn Self. My all time favorite podcast to listen to is Rachel Hollis. She is absolutely amazing and motivates me every time I listen to her. I even listen to her relationship podcast with her husband even though I don’t have a relationship, but the advice they give really speaks to me and helps me realize what I want in a relationship one day. I also really love Tony Robbins and he has tons of motivational speeches on YouTube! But finding someone, anyone, who just speaks to your soul and motivates you will help with your mental health and help you grow so much!
‘Give yourself the same care and attention that you give to others and watch yourself bloom.’
learning to love yourself.
Last, but certainly not least because this is by far the most important and that is learning to love myself. Don’t get me wrong, this is a daily struggle for me and I have no idea why, but I have absolutely no problem loving and caring for people around me, but I can put myself on the back burner and I finally put a stop to that. As a mother it can be even harder to take time for yourself and love yourself because you have children to take care of, but something I have learned is that you cannot take care of someone else if you’re not okay and you cannot fully love someone else if you do not love yourself. I never believed that until after going through this break up. I never was okay with being alone. I hated it. And I hated myself. I was depressed for over a year and never talked to anyone about it. I started 2019 at an all time low. It’s now April and I have grown so much and I am still growing and learning every day. I am not perfect and I will never be perfect, but striving to be better than you were the day before is something to be proud of. Please, if you are not happy with who you are, take the time to learn and know who you are again and fall in love with yourself. It’s okay to love who you are. If you are unhappy with your life and how it is going, do something to change it, even if it will suck in the beginning. You don’t grow unless you experience change and experience being uncomfortable. The steps I have taken and explained above are pretty much the same steps I have taken to learn to love myself and it’s the best thing I could have done for myself and for my kids.
‘Self love is so important. Because when you’re all alone and it’s 3 in the morning and you’re lying on your floor crying and shaking and wishing it all would end, who’s going to be there for you? You. You have to pick yourself up and find the strength to carry on. At the end of the day, you’re all you’ve got.’
you will be okay.
I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you will be okay. You are stronger than this. I know you feel weak, but you are going to look back and realize you were growing through all of this. Although I wouldn’t wish the pain and hurt on anybody, I am thankful for having felt these feelings and feeling as low as I did because now I can appreciate my happiness so much more. I know what it’s like to hate myself. I know what it’s like to feel unhappy. I know what it’s like to feel stuck and I never want to feel those feelings again. Happiness is such a simple, yet hard thing to manage. It’s an every day commitment to yourself. But it’s worth being hurt and stepping out of your comfort zone and finding who you are again. Be kind to yourself. Love yourself… you will be okay, I promise. This pain you’re feeling is only temporary.